1 0 September 2018 |
Editor’s column
Having a Cow in Kona
A few years back, I lived next door to a pasture of cows. I
liked having cows for neighbors, but they didn’t like me. They
were always telling me to mooove.
Cows are not the brightest of critters. Every morning they’d
come to the stone wall to eat mangoes, but they spooked easily. I
tried to reassure them, but it went in one ear and out the udder.
Apparently they’d rather be seen than herd.
Bulls are smarter than cows. I once had a stray bull that
would come into my yard, turn on the spigot with his horns and
drink water. Problem was, he never turned the water off. Finally
the cowboy fenced him in. I guess he had too much of a steak in
the bull to let him run loose or possibly get stolen. The rule of
thumb in Hawai‘i is, don’t take any bull from anyone.
In Hawaiian, the word for “goat” is actually pronounced
“cow,” as in “kao.” If you want to take your cow out for a night on
the town, try dressing her up in a moo moo. I realize I’m milking
these cow jokes for all they’re worth, but there’s a 2% chance that
most of them are duds (as in Milk Duds).
The cows in my neighborhood were well fed, but it’s best not
to overly pamper a cow — you might end up with spoiled milk.
When branding a cow, always try to make a good first impression.
If your cow’s horns are too loud, buy her a bell.
I enjoy conversing with cows and telling them a few jokes. I
always knew my cattle had a good sense of humor because they
were a laughing stock.
Karen Anderson is the managing editor of “At Home”
magazine and the author of “The Hawaii Home Book,
Practical Tips For Tropical Living.” She can be reached at
kanderson@westhawaiitoday.com
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